Английские анекдоты

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said. "Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?" "This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote." "And the other?" said the customer. "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000." "Holy moly ! What does that one do?" "Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."

Dictionary of Musical Terms 
JAZZ : Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes. BLUES : Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning. WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once. OPERA : People singing when they should be talking. RAP : People talking when they should be singing. CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV. FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century. BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer. HEAVY METAL : Codpiece and chaps HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.

Last Request
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites , the formal speech had been given by the warden , and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" 
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?" 
"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" 
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first." 

Better than Sex
A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books. 
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much !" 
The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."

A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

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