Just a Joke!

Americans, you can love them or hate them but they sure can be funny. Below, you will find some jokes about Americans. They have been selected specially for you. Now you can laugh with them or at them... :) 

Call me an ambulance! 
American man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. 
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance ! 
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance! 

Will you marry me? 
American man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her . Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. 
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, «June»
«Yes, this is June»
«Will you marry me?»
«Of course I will! Who's this?»

A Battle-WearyAmerican
A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in London during the early days of post-WWII , only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats. A large, well- dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
«Excuse me, Ma'am», the soldier finally spoke, «Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?»
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, «oh! You Americans. You are so rude. Fluffy is in that seat, and I see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you».
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation , and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.
«You Americans», he said, «You drive on the wrong side of the road ... you eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong bitch out the window.»


TheBlarneyStone
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon , constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. «Good luck will be following you all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,»the guide said. «Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.»
«We can't be here tomorrow», the nasty woman shouted. «We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone».
«Well now,» the guide said, «it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.»
«And I suppose you've kissed the stone?» the woman scoffed.
«No, ma'am,» the frustrated guide said, «but I've sat on it.»

I'm a rabbit!
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD ), the FBI , and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. 
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses . After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. 
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they makeno apologies . 
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. 
The bear is yelling: «Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!»

callmeanambulance- игра слов: вызовитемне «скорую», назовите меня «скорой»
toproposetoher – сделать ей предложение
upinhisyears – поживший много лет
timid – робкий, стеснительный
weary – изнуренный, уставший
daysofpost-WWII– послевоенные дни (WWII – Вторая Мировая Война)
tocurlup– свернуться калачиком
tohover – слоняться, топтаться на месте
lap - колени (верхняя часть ног у сидящего человека)
haughty – высокомерный, заносчивый, надменный
togiveup – уступить, отказаться, отдать
tobeexhausted – быть истощенным, обессиленным
togape – широко открыть рот
tosplutter – говорить быстро и бессвязно
indignation – негодование, возмущение
curmudgeon– ворчун, скряга
LAPD – отделение полиции Лос-Анджелеса
FBI – Федеральное Бюро Расследований
CIA – Центральное Разведывательное Управление
toapprehend – задерживать, разгадывать, вычислять
informant - информатор
witness-свидетель
tomakenoapologies– не приносить никаких извинений
badly – крайне, очень сильно

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